Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
