remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
