Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
