that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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