She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
