dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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