My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
