you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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