Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
