Whod you bang
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
