Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
