How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dick very happy bro
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
