well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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