so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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