Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
