You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
