i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
