Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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