We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
