If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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