Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
