My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
How's work?
Spinning.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
