Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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