I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
