And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
