What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Help. Why am I so naked?
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