So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
