Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
