if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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