So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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