you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
