I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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