My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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