the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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