She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
wow bdsm is so cute
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
