you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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