i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
