So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
