Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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