I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
