My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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