That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
