wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
