Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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