I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
