Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
