It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
