I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
