I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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