Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
