too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
