I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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