Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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