check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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