I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize