You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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