my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
