Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
