Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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