I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
