alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
