Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
