i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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