The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize