do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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